i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Your penis caused this!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
