I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
please don't ironically join a cult
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