where does the pee come out of this thing
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
