left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
