I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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