can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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