You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
