i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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