guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Can Purell be used as lube?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
worst night to have a conscience
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
