So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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