Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
