Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
