it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
