youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
