i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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