am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
