that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
