The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
