Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
