im about as happy as oj after his trial
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
