Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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