a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
