you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
