So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
