It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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