dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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