Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
