she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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