I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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