well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
