can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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