Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
