So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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