there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
