I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
