i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
