Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
