I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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