then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
