You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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