she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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