I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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