Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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