dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
