his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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