It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
