dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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