If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
