all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
