As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
