You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
