He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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