i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
