But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
