I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
