Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You may now shotgun with the bride
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
