It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
