Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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