So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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