can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
