The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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