Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
