dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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