My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
