I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
