i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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