my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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